11 February 2005
:’) aku. 00:13 on a Sunday. Aku baru lepas balek kenduri adek kesma bertunang. Kesma is short-form for Kak Esma. She’s my sister-in-law, wife Budhi. Bukan kenduri laa, ala2 majlis mkn2, kenduri cam grand sgt. Hari ni bedei kesma. Kesian tgk dia hari ni. Seriously a birthday to remember. She planned everything well (the engagement), tp nak jdk cite some things f***ed up with my brother, and it ends up not as expected. Even as aku taip ni pon, aku still wonder what’s happening ngan diorg back home. Aku ade dgn dia thruout the “event”, and aku sometimes x sure mende2 ni sume.. ntah lah.. the only thot in my mind: What was men thinking and salah ke emotional expression yg women shows. Tak tau ape nak ckp lg. Tak tau nak put the blame on who. Tak tau kenapa an 11-year marriage still xleh achieve understanding, still. Tak tau kenape aku nak kene pikir byk psl hal ni.
Itu satu hal. On this same day, 2nd cousin kesma yg paling rapat dgn dia baru meninggal due to stroke kat kelantan. Aku seriously sgt respect kesma. Dia bukannye jenis org yg sgt patient, tp she puts up with lots of shit; dr femili sendiri, sampai ke rumahtangge.
Eheh. Thanks to Among and Along, aku gile Dewa skang :P. …tp things don’t go well for me lately. Dlm stage cemni, still i dare to filter my frens. Aku stopped communication with some frens, just because aku found out diorg bukan kawan, tp simply org2 yg aku kenal. Aku nak benti keje, desperately, tp xde time nak carik keje lain. Aku fell in love with the wrong person. Aku found out i’m just a backup fren when things go wrong or in case of loneliness. Aku found out that penatnye being there, but was not been there for. Tak pasal2 member aku kene sound, mcm putus kawan plak. Naseb baek die kinda rational sket, trying to get me to the real situation, and cuba halang aku dr asek dgr ckp org je. Tp btol gak. I know this guy since belajar lg. Mane bleh turn off de friendship just bcos ckp org.
Aku cube not to think of all these to seriously, tp every day aku found new things; and believe me it’s hard to keep a straight face in cases like these. Anyway, aku tgh tunggu member aku survey job opportunities kat Dubai. Hopefully, migration can do me good. Itu pon katenye tahon dpn..
From a fren’s blog:
If people want it, they can make this world the greatest paradise to live in. But most people, just love to live in hell.
Aku, adalah contoh a person who simply loves to live in hell.
..Sebelum kau ludahi aku..
Dewa – Lagu Cinta
Aku ini…adalah dirimu